A Journey Inward
By Alecs Kakon
What can be said about a young woman of 37 years of age who uses her boundless capacity for introspection and self-care to open a space within and around herself to create positive change and honest communication? On an inward journey to learning how to better understand how to live her best life, Natalie contends that taking stock of past moments provides her with a platform to better her present. Taking pause to give gratitude and enjoy quiet moments of reflection, Natalie showed me how a few significant events in her life informed her character. She noticed that by choosing to see the positive in some of the harder moments of her life she has actively continued to contribute to her own growth.
One thing that was apparent about Natalie within a few short minutes of talking to her is that she doesn’t have a conventional way of thinking. Not adhering to traditional ways of being, Natalie forged a life for herself outside of the expectations heaped upon her. Knowing that she had a more bohemian approach to life, at the age of 31, Natalie took an assessment of her life and decided that she didn’t want what everyone around her had; children, a house, and that proverbial white picket fence. It just wasn’t her modus operandi. Instead, she wanted to be part of something distinct, leave a different impact on the world. So she packed it up and moved to Berlin. Natalie spent 2 years living and working in the old European city, taking some time to self-reflect and figure things out. She hadn’t realized prior to her travels just how much she would’ve missed her family, but that wasn’t reason enough to move back. If she were to return, she wanted to plant roots and build a career for herself. Already quite entrenched in the yoga and wellness world, she discovered a deep affinity for spinning while abroad, and so, within a few years, Natalie, along with 2 partners, opened up ELMNT studio in her hometown.
Steady and settled in Montreal, Natalie explains the relationship between yoga and spinning and how the two types of movement have a symbiotic dynamic: yoga stimulates self-discovery and introspection, while spinning is a more outgoing energy promoting vitality, both, however, are powerful actions that move in and out of the body and mind. Understanding this yin and yang relationship on a deep level, Natalie explains that she has always had that same duality within her; an ability to be charged in multiple directions depending on the perspective she so chooses. Explaining the positive effects as well as the drawbacks of this chameleon-like aspect of her character, Natalie remembers the precise instant in her life that produced this balance within her.
Seeing the world as a place of infinite possibility, Natalie’s thirst for self-improvement often takes her deep into her past, a place she dives into to find the lessons she needs to understand and live a better today. A process of holding on and letting go, Natalie remembers being 9 years old and losing her grandmother, and 3 years later, losing her grandfather. An impactful event in her life, not only because she loved her maternal grandparents, and felt their love in a truly unconditional way, but also because the loss rocked her world inalterably. Describing her childhood as stable and rooted in tradition, anchored by her grandparents’ home and the routine they established, Natalie explains that in their passing, “everything started to fall apart.” Her fear for losing a loved one spawned her fear of attachment, as she goes on to say, “why give love to one thing if when it’s gone, everything is gone?”
Feeling a deep connection to someone who passes can have meaning beyond our comprehension, informing our character and attitude toward relationships and love in ways we might not understand. For Natalie, losing her grandparents represented losing stability, tradition, and naturally, family. The after effects of their passing left a deep imprint of fear of getting too close. However, rather than seeing her trepidation of attaching to one single person as a negative, Natalie retrospectively explores the meaning of attachment and explains that she connects to everyone in some way and by spreading her bond and affection, she is free to love bountifully. ‘Loss, much like change, creates a certain unpredictability, however, that tension creates space, and from that space,” Natalie explains, “growth occurs.” Natalie looks back and remembers being the unconventional girl living what some would call a “crazy life”. However, she can pinpoint the precise moment of losing both of her grandparents as the event that caused that space to open; her locus of true growth. Natalie is beginning to understand what it truly means to love and lose. Loss is not the moment when someone passes, but rather the abandonment of learning from the people around us and understanding the impact they have on each of our lives.
Finding room in her life to feel all the feels, Natalie is a free spirit who enjoys moving in and out of every emotion that brews inside of her. Anger allows her to learn from conflict, change allows for growth, and learning not to react to the many triggers around her, allows her to become the graceful woman she is working toward becoming. As a studio co-owner and self-care practitioner, she believes in creating a safe space for open and honest communication in her community. Surrounding herself with inspirational people, Natalie always had a steadfast conviction of impacting the world in a great way. Today, she has built a community of happiness and support at ELMNT, her wellness studio; a place where she, together with her partner and team of mindful teachers, have come together to bridge art and fitness as well as create a safe space for open and honest communication with the ultimate objective of locating and unleashing the truth that lives within all of us.
All photos by Jen Fellegi
