Beauty, Creativity and Happiness
Written by Alecs Kakon
Photos by Jen Fellegi
Do we need to know bad to recognize good? Or is that an outdated, rhetorical debate that has no answer? Thinking about the many ways I understand happiness, beauty, love, I can’t help but extract meaning from most of these concepts by way of contrast, thinking about what it is through what it is not. A binary system of belief, good and bad have long-been in an interdependent relationship. Incidentally, the two extremes find points of intersection whereupon they intensify one another’s significance. The dissonance created in their juxtaposition helps illuminate what once seemed inherently contradictory, but is instead, fascinatingly similar. This all seems so esoteric, but the truth is, we’ve all witnessed, or even experienced, the symbiotic clash; marble balls on the pendulum that swing from one end, clanging together, causing a vibration throughout, forcing the other end to swing out and back again. I don’t know for certain if we need a backdrop of bad to recognize good, but I do believe that one affects the other and creates layers of profound meaning further magnifying one’s feelings and experiences of both. Articulated or not, the tension of the binary manifests within. Sitting with Sue, we discussed the haunting beauty of her hometown, the flawed conventions of success, and her active participation in the creation her own happiness.
Born and raised in Nanaimo, BC, Sue grew up surrounded by ineffable beauty. With exuberant greens and blues as far as the eye could see, it was perhaps the landscape that contributed to the even starker a contrast in see how her city and friends started to transform all around her. “It started in high school for me, but the generation before me started it. The hard rockers, bikers, gangs, they run that town. It became a culture of mayhem; the heroin capital of the world,” Sue explains. “I’ve lost so many friends to drug addiction and overdose. I think people romanticize drugs and don’t realize they actually don’t know how to use it. Their inexperience can lead them down a dangerous path.” The toxic culture only became more apparent when Sue travelled abroad and took note that the pervasive drug presence in Nanaimo was not the norm in other places. “I think it all just looks darker because we are set against this supernatural backdrop of crystal clear waters and lush forests. It’s a strange juxtaposition, but that’s probably what attracts people to experiment even more.” It is the overexposure to drugs and how they contaminated both the culture and the land that created a sensitivity in Sue and a sense of helplessness. “I feel like the average person, like me, doesn’t have the tools to help. I know one person can make a difference, but you can’t help someone until they’re ready.” Another layer of the problem is the learned numbness of people in general which has created an apathy, we as a society, have learned to cloak ourselves in. “We’ve got this tent city going now, so a lot more homeless people are living there. I can’t understand how our government lets this happen. There are people I know, friends of mine, who keep Fentanyl kits on them just in case, because people are dying and there’s not much time with that kind of drug. It’s a pandemic,” Sue explains. “Cops just walk by people dying on the streets – it’s a national crisis and no one is addressing it.”
At 19, Sue decided to move to Montreal to attend Fashion Design school. She worked her way up in the industry and became an assistant designer at a high-end fashion company for about 10 years. After having both her kids, Sue decided to take a step back and work as a waitress at a breakfast restaurant so that she could have the flexibility to stay at home with the kids and avoid the cost of childcare. “There was so much judgment when I decided to be a waitress, but there is more to life than impressing people with my job and title. People think fashion is so glamorous, but glamour doesn’t exist, you have to create it. I just loved waitressing and didn’t feel like having the pressure anymore. I do what I love and that’s the point, right?” There were moments along the way when Sue was offered high-profile jobs and an opportunity to get back into the fashion industry. Although she had a strong stance against fast-fashion, she and her husband discussed that perhaps, if she took the job and worked at the company, she could change things from the inside. “I worked there for about a year and a half. The truth is, fast-fashion is one of the world’s biggest pollutants. I didn’t want to be a part of it, especially after seeing first-hand how much waste is created,” Sue explains. “I remember there was a mistake on a batch of garments and 800 pieces were just thrown into a landfill. I grew up with a mentality of sustainability and I just don’t take our planet for granted.” Sue continues to work in the fashion world, but she’s rethought her involvement in the style industry and parlayed her love for fashion into another medium of artistry. “I took up fashion photography a couple years ago and I’m going to take an embroidery class. I love fashion; I’m learning more about natural dyes and I’m even turning my friend’s art into fabric.” The success Sue feels is presence of mind, enjoying the moment, and by disavowing societal standards of success, she models happiness for her children, showing them how important it is to take pleasure more seriously.
Most of us feel guilty when we take a moment to sit back and enjoy, but Sue recontextualized that for me. She explained that she values her time here on earth, because she’s seen it first-hand: the loss, the fallibility, the short stay we have here on this earth. She wants to find her joy and give into it. “I think growing up surrounded by such supernatural beauty made me appreciate the world as a whole. But, I’ve learned from watching the people around me that we aren’t invincible. We aren’t here forever.” Whether it’s constantly striving to develop herself, packing up for a year and moving to Paris on a whim, or being a mindful parent, Sue sees the reality of the world, and regardless of how good or bad it all is, she creates her happiness within it. “I love my job, I’m so grateful for my lifestyle, and I have a great love in my husband that I could’ve only dreamed of. I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
