The Space Between
Written by: Alecs Kakon
Photos by: Jen Fellegi
Viktor Frankl, Holocaust-survivor and brilliant mind explained: “Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” So many poignant nuggets of life learning can be derived from this statement. My train of thought takes me to a personal place of how we as humans tend to hold on to the bad. We know that learning and letting go is the healthier way to go about life, but something about holding on feels ironically more comfortable. It took me decades to stop taking this way of thinking at face value and truly integrate it into my way of being. It’s simple really: by dwelling in the negative, we stay stuck in our thoughts, stuck in our emotion, stuck in time. By tuning in, reflecting, we gain insight, we gain distance. We become more emotionally agile and therefore make space to grow. Frankl’s words resonate so deeply at this point in my life when there are so many external moments that force my face into puckered tension. But, as I practice letting my feelings move through me, I find space for self-compassion and rather than watching that conveyor belt of time slide beneath me, I too can move forward with weightlessness. Sitting with Aryana, these thoughts floated around at every turn in our conversation. She spoke of her upbringing, her mental health, and overall outlook on life, and there it was – gratitude and self-love.
At 24 years old, Aryana has a world’s worth of depth that brought clarity to my blurred vision. Describing her family life, Aryana’s relationship with her mother takes the spotlight. “I am literally speechless at all that she’s accomplished. My mother raised my siblings and I as a single mom. It’s incredible, and I think I only came into realizing how incredible it is now that I am a young adult,” Aryana starts. “I see how much she really did for us and how little she did for herself. Even though we lived on low income, I always got everything I wanted. I felt spoiled and not just with stuff – my mom was always around and there for us. She showed us strength and resilience, but she also showed vulnerability. She always trusted me and expressed her emotions with me.” The balance of seeing a strong woman raise her children and holding a career while also sharing her struggles and letting her children see what true life looks and feels like was the harmony Aryana taps into as she grows into her independence and is challenged with everything from school and work and also love and navigating the world from a vulnerable and real place. “My mom did a phenomenal job raising us, and now that I have some perspective, it’s even more incredible than I can understand. She showed me what an empowered woman is. I hope I can reciprocate what she’s given to me.” Growing up with her mother and an occasionally present father, Aryana could’ve focused her energy on the absence of rather than the magnanimous presence of, but as she pointed out, “I am satisfied with the profound work I’ve done in unraveling that aspect of my life. I found the meaning I was looking for and I am happy to close that chapter for now.” Choose. Because, with a powerful mind, that is ultimately what it is: a choice.
Having struggled with her mental health since grade 8, Aryana was no stranger to the world of medicine and therapy. She had full trust in a system that would eventually put her life at risk. “I remember when I was on a trip in Italy with a girlfriend a few years ago and I received an email from my university saying that I had been in contact with someone who had an active case of Tuberculosis. I had to come back and get tests done After a few inconclusive tests, I found out I have latent TB, which is an inactive case that means I have a really small chance of it being ever becoming active. I was put on medication for 9 months. But that medication didn’t interact well with my anti-depressants and anxiety medications. It had a significantly negative effect on me. I had to admit myself to the hospital – I was in such a dark and scary place and that was because my prescriptions were creating a chemical imbalance. My life was at risk and I felt really betrayed by the medical system. I was not in control of how my body and mind reacted to the meds and being at a total lack of control was really scary. I decided to go off all my meds.” With a few years distance, Aryana goes on, “I realize now that it’s a process to find the right meds that work for your body. I went back on my meds and I am so appreciative of it. My outlook on reintegrating the proper medication that works for me into my life. Once I found the right fit for me, I could better restore who I am. I’ grateful that I worked through that and that I was able to help myself. My journey in mental health was enough to teach me that even though I felt defeated, with new light and new perspective I can find a solution and I did. I found new meaning. I think that kind of thinking has really helped me and can be applied to many aspects of life.”
Aryana signs off with a closing note that put the perfect red ribbon around our conversation: “I have a tattoo that says ‘le mieux est l’ennemi du bien,’ it reminds me to be mindful and strive to do better and not aim for perfection. it’s about being satisfied with what you already have. I was always trying to be the best. I got so caught up in trying to achieve perfection that I failed to realize that what I already had right in front of me was more than enough. I think a big part of my mental health issues was striving for perfection and I feel rewarded and grateful in knowing that just doing my personal best is enough.” Aryana’s life has presented a few occasions for her to dwell in if she so chose, but instead she chose growth and freedom. Wait up, I’m right behind you!
